Simon Arthur Garfunkle, one of the more unfortunately-named people on the planet, was born on April Fool's Day in 1983, to Samuel and Amanda Garfunkle. He firmly believes his date of birth has influenced the rest of his life, making him the universe's buttmonkey. As a child, he often ended up in unusual situations, like finding his way into his school's ventilation system or ending up with his butt stuck in freshly-poured concrete. As an adult -- well, he survived falling from an airplane (partially thanks to a friendly squid) and took down an entire town of zombies on his own. So he's still the universe's buttmonkey, but he's rather more badass these days.